Thursday, December 30, 2010
Falling into darkness
My mind is lost
to the gravity
It stalks just on the edge of sanity. Like the ever setting
sun sitting on a milky horizon coming as a brilliant flash of light
while the sun is pulled into the outer corners of the universe.
That's where my mind balances, on the edge of the universe
between reality and fantasy. A darkened gravity has taken hold of
my mind. I feel the pull, and though I know the call, my soul is afraid
The path is familiar to me. It leads to a place littered with
the broken dreams of sanity. All who travel into those depths rarely
return completely intact. With every passing year, I'm more convinced
that insanity will take me. How long can I live in the fantasies dancing
in my mind before they consume my soul?
On the edge of my mind
the aroma of sanity
Assaults the senses
the bitter taste
I see the line, know it well, but there are times when I much
prefer to live in those fantasies. The draw becomes greatest when I am
faced with turmoil of the heart. How easy it would be to let myself
tumble into the lost realities found in my fantasy worlds.
They say it's imagination, but I know better. The dreams are
far too real. The taste of them lingers in my mind; so flavorful are these
imaginings that I often become lost.
I reach out for the real world...for something to anchor me
to reality. When those precious few reasons are gone, what will keep
me in your world?
A broken smile
touches your lips
The cold light fading
in unforgiving eyes
Ahhh...I see the look in your eyes; the fear behind your smile.
Though you won't admit to the thought, it's there dancing in the back
of your mind. You know the truth, but fear it as much as I.
Do you see the sanity slipping? Is my mask beginning to fall?
Turn now before I lose myself completely. Do not travel down this path.
I could not bear to watch you fall. Better that I should lose myself to
insanity alone than carry the eternal pain of bringing you with me.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
It courses through my soul
A pounding rhythm beating
To the melody
of this hummingbird heart
It’s a sound of you
Stolen to thought
Trapped in perceptions
I cannot release
Ever present I fight the urge
But still I run into the vision
flames dancing on the sands
Unquenchable all consuming
Though it burns my fingertips
I reach out to hold you
Because I crave the fire
of your wild imagings
They blaze through my mind
Blinding me with brilliance
A light found hidden
On the edge of insanity
Please stop by One Stop Poetry to view the the incredibly talented poets posting for One Shot Wednesday http://bit.ly/dUDCS6
It is in the knowing of my heart
the love for self, that I find you
for one cannot love another
without facing the reality of self
Falling into silence may seem like a funny concept, but I find myself doing it far too often lately. Perhaps melting might be a better word for I melt into the silence between the words each time I hear his voice. There’s a rhythm we’ve found. It’s soothing and comfortable following the coming tide. A tide that flows over my being…is it love? Possibly…and you may even say that I’m falling, but all I care about are those moments. The sound of his sigh...a hum on his lips…the way he laughs at all the silly things I do. He is so very accepting of my wild imaginings. It may be due to the fact that he lives in such dreams or that he is comfortable living in mine for a time.
no words can give
to such feelings
Either way I live for those moments. The ones we get lost in without thought of time. Time passes quickly for two beings connected on such a deep level. I have no idea where this leads. Though I suspect with my ever cautious heart that it will lead to the one place I fear to fall completely. It will lead to love….soulful love. Something that happens between two people who have a knowing of self. Each has faced the demons of loneliness and feel at peace with the pain found there.
instead, I sit
Saturday, December 25, 2010
A Christmas thought on the Heart & Love:
The sun…well, now that’s an important part of our universe. Though many need a sun to help light the darkest parts of their soul, few have found that ever elusive love. Make no mistake; the sun isn’t always a boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, wife or husband. No, the sun is that one person who, even in their worst moments, still has light to share with you. They can put aside pain and frustration to focus on your universe; to share the light of wisdom and knowledge with you. We all need a sun.
So my wish for you is simple: Find peace in your heart, love in the eyes of the planets around you, and hope in the warm touch of sunlight from a soulful sun.
All My Heart....eternally....Ranee
Friday, December 24, 2010
People are often afraid to look within and face the loneliness haunting their souls. I find comfort in the still. Though, at times, it may consume me, loneliness brings enlightenment. I am able to see my insecurities clearly laid out. There was a time in my life when I would have done anything to avoid myself. I would look for comfort in the arms of another person. It didn’t matter if there was love…or even lust….that they wanted me for that moment was enough. Willing I would lay beside them thinking that a warm body would fill the ache, but the truth is that nothing ever made it go away. Only when I turned to face the loneliness did I start to understand how much I needed it.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I’m worried, because I think there is a part of me that craves loneliness and heartache. Not that I’m looking for pity or to wallow in sorrow, but pain seems a far richer source of inspiration than passion. Perhaps that is why I willingly jump into love under the most unlikely circumstances. It’s not that I want to be in love. No, I think it is that I want to be in pain. What better place to find such torment than in a love lost?
I look through the eyes of my heart
hoping to witness a soulful love,
but I'm left wanting.
I seek the impossible relationships. Walking into the fire, blindfold on, because I know it’s all consuming. Eventually the passion burns out, the lust fades, and I am left with the reality of a love lost. It’s a convenient place to hide. In my experience, most men’s passion is fleeting. It tends to be a seasonal love, growing quickly at first slowing as the summer’s sun warms our souls, and then fading when the cold of winter blows down from our hearts. Though I am left heartbroken, my smile remains because each has left a deposit of inspiration to fuel my pen.
I would find a soul to share this journey,
but I do not wish to burden others with such sorrow.
Better that the walls hide it from the world.
This brings us to a wall. It is probably the biggest I’ve built. I fall, but there is always a part held back; something hidden in the depths of my soul that never sees the light. I let them in enough to entice, a lover’s dance, just a touch of mystery before the wall goes up once more. So very careful not to let love in completely; to risk that type of heartache would be far too great.
Catch these words
dripping from my heart
find a place of light
where they may bloom
into soft petals of love
I suppose this post stands as a warning…or challenge. In the end, I am working on the walls. There’s a part of me that desperately wants to get lost in love. The pain is so sharp it makes my heart weep at the thought. But then my idealistic youthful passions left long ago. I know the chance of finding a soulful love, to get lost in the arms of my soul mate, is rare. So I do not hope to wish for such a thing. Instead, I hold fast to reality. Falling in lust and passion, but never truly finding love.
Friday, December 17, 2010
There are times when words touch us so deeply that we must take to pen and pour our hearts onto the page. It is my great honor to present three poems written by the incredibly talented Nomar Knight inspired by my Images of a Lonely Heart Cast to Sea post. Nomar pulled out and captured the sorrow of those poems with such beauty that it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Nomar, for sharing your talent with me and the world.
There was a warning in the fog
I listened, but didn't understand
The echo of heartache
Visible amongst the pounding waves
Music to my ears
I stood, waiting in anticipation
For my lovers touch
Praying she'd stay
Not just in heart… in spirit too
Hope blinded me with fogs of mystery
Because, you see, I'm stubborn…always
My heart needs your soft caress
Lovers dance feeding flames
All consuming desire
Awakened from a trance
Realizing I was lost in a dream
Lifted as the fog
Scattered, shattering this crystal heart
Words of passion become daggers
To bleeding souls
Slicing bits of my heart
Maddening isolation chips away sanity
Its pain breathes despair
Haunting my waking dreams
Empty promises carried on whim
Tortured hopes killing passion
Yet here I stand
A shadow of yesteryear
On life's angry shores
Indifferent to strangers
Giving them a taste of invisibility
I gaze at the sea
Its steady rhythm soothes my essence
Stabbing reality deep inside me
The dream built on desperate whispers
In soft pained cries
Collapsing at the touch of another
Embattled at what may come
Even the shining of heavenly lights
Dimmed by liquid skies
Fails to cleanse away
The sins built by stormy seas
Let the siren's call pull me down
To the darkest abyss
Entrapping me forever
In an icy prison
Where once I had hope
Let it seal, lost to memory
Where passions buried illusion
And the souls ravaged
By the echoes of silent screams.
Somewhere between tied tongue I lost you
Your heart slipped through broken breaths
Like the emotions I meant to convey
Perhaps voiced words are dense
Or the ideas dripped through wounded veins
Either way I see your weak, constipated smile
Empty eyes vacant of love
The sparkle a mere memory
But when I think my senses failing
Illusion masking truth
Feeding me a glimmer of hope
That our soulful love is still strong
It's not love, no it never was
I knew when the song broke down
Lyrics of plastic love carried no weight
But my heart mourns the loss just the same.
Nomar is dedicated to the support of all artistic talent. This fact is evident in the regular features of writers and artists on his blog. Please enjoy more of Nomar's talent at his blog KnightChills http://knightchills.blogspot.com/ .
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I found myself in a reflective state this morning. Considering my current situation, wondering where this path leads. There are some days when darkness covers the road. It’s a mist, hiding the future from my eyes, but then the sun rises and the mist dissipates. My vision, once clouded, gives way to clear thought. I understand my place in the world.
I treasure those moments….and fear them. My heart is not predisposed to handle revelation well. The same may be said for others, but I find that the truth hits hard against my soul knocking me to the ground. With eyes wide open it is difficult to run from the reality of my existence. I am nice to have, but not to keep. My passionate words may touch a heart, but the affects soon wear and the passion fades. Then I am left empty…and alone. I run to security, falling into the arms of those who promise relief, bringing pain and sadness to both our souls.
The pain in his eyes when I said we were not going to be together was heartbreaking. I lost someone dear to me…a man I love, because of those walls. It’s not that he didn’t want to keep me, I just don’t want to be kept. Therein lies the truth of these walls I hide behind. I love unconditionally. I give everything…except myself. That part of my soul I keep hidden from the world. Though it pains me to see him walk out of my life, I know that heartbreak is a temporary state. It fades as time goes by. Never truly leaving my heart. There will always be cracks, echoes of our love visible to those willing to take the time to look. I will live in the sorrow of a broken heart. Find hope in the light of a new day; because I am tired of running away…from myself.
~Turn from me now
Before I lose my heart
The slightest touch
Will send it falling~
Perhaps the problem is that I lose myself in love far too easily. I crave sweet passionate words; they bring such energy and creativity to my soul. Spurred on by the rush of emotion, the words fall easily onto the page. I think, in truth, that I like being in love. When passion fades giving way to the everyday I flounder and become bored, because in the stillness of daily life I find little fuel for the fires of creative thought.