I found myself in a reflective state this morning. Considering my current situation, wondering where this path leads. There are some days when darkness covers the road. It’s a mist, hiding the future from my eyes, but then the sun rises and the mist dissipates. My vision, once clouded, gives way to clear thought. I understand my place in the world.
I treasure those moments….and fear them. My heart is not predisposed to handle revelation well. The same may be said for others, but I find that the truth hits hard against my soul knocking me to the ground. With eyes wide open it is difficult to run from the reality of my existence. I am nice to have, but not to keep. My passionate words may touch a heart, but the affects soon wear and the passion fades. Then I am left empty…and alone. I run to security, falling into the arms of those who promise relief, bringing pain and sadness to both our souls.
The pain in his eyes when I said we were not going to be together was heartbreaking. I lost someone dear to me…a man I love, because of those walls. It’s not that he didn’t want to keep me, I just don’t want to be kept. Therein lies the truth of these walls I hide behind. I love unconditionally. I give everything…except myself. That part of my soul I keep hidden from the world. Though it pains me to see him walk out of my life, I know that heartbreak is a temporary state. It fades as time goes by. Never truly leaving my heart. There will always be cracks, echoes of our love visible to those willing to take the time to look. I will live in the sorrow of a broken heart. Find hope in the light of a new day; because I am tired of running away…from myself.
~Turn from me now
Before I lose my heart
The slightest touch
Will send it falling~
Perhaps the problem is that I lose myself in love far too easily. I crave sweet passionate words; they bring such energy and creativity to my soul. Spurred on by the rush of emotion, the words fall easily onto the page. I think, in truth, that I like being in love. When passion fades giving way to the everyday I flounder and become bored, because in the stillness of daily life I find little fuel for the fires of creative thought.