The Rickshaw driver in my mind never stops to ask directions. He continues to travel at breakneck pace rocketing across the sky faster than any star could fall. No peace to be found on this never-ending road leading to destinations unknown; at least, unknown to me.
On occasion it seems as if he stops to ponder a passing image. Something brightly colored catches his fancy and off he runs in search of new stimulations. It’s wearing on me…the constant movement is exhausting. So much so that sleep is nearly impossible.
I seek out things to sooth the gyrations. The ocean never stops the surge, but the movement is soothing. There is an order to the waves that steadies my mind. It allows me to focus long enough to form coherent thought, but much beyond that is useless.
You would never know when I talk to you a hundred other ideas are spinning. Little things caught on the spaces between conversations. I hear what you say…all of it. I understand the meaning in your words; it’s just that he won’t stop to let me enjoy them. You have to understand it’s not that what you’re saying isn’t important to me. Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s the man who keeps me from holding onto the imagery you so faithful layout.
If you look into my eyes…past the sparkle, you can see him moving. He hides in the flow of ideas shifting from one side of my brain to the other. When I speak of insanity, I speak of him. The prospect of total sanity is impossible in a mind moving too fast for thought.
I see all the paths my life might take. All the opportunities and where they lead…all at once. It scares me to have such clarity; like seeing the future, or futures, without any real control over which path I will follow.
In one of those moments, I felt sheer terror wash over me. The cold hand of fate reached down to touch my mind sending a chill through eternity. I saw a future void of us and my breath caught on the nothingness we were to become. It was far beyond frightening and I do not desire to feel that way again. It’s not that I want to keep you, because I do not wish for such a fate.
The reality is that I want you to be part of my future. You take the time to explore the world and people in it as will I, but at the end of the day, when night has fallen, I want to find myself in your arms. I understand the limitations. We both have lives to tend, but if we let the pieces fall, the picture will clear and a rhythm will begin. So I have one question…I know it’s a lot to ask, but…
“Can I keep you?”