Enlightenment

My heart falls silent

in the still

the chilled hand of

loneliness

reaches out for my soul

I welcome its touch

for with it comes

enlightenment



People are often afraid to look within and face the loneliness haunting their souls.  I find comfort in the still.  Though, at times, it may consume me, loneliness brings enlightenment.  I am able to see my insecurities clearly laid out.  There was a time in my life when I would have done anything to avoid myself.  I would look for comfort in the arms of another person.  It didn’t matter if there was love…or even lust….that they wanted me for that moment was enough.  Willing I would lay beside them thinking that a warm body would fill the ache, but the truth is that nothing ever made it go away.  Only when I turned to face the loneliness did I start to understand how much I needed it.

I welcome silence

hoping that it will bring peace to my soul

though the voices tell me to run

I hold back

waiting for the light of a new day

That was no mistake.  I said it...I need the loneliness; not only for my writing, but for growth.  I have come to terms with the fact that the only way I can move on emotionally in my life is through the pain.  It is the one time I am vulnerable enough to open myself and face those flaws in my character holding me back.  I’m not perfect.  The flaws may not be evident to you, but I see them all too clearly in the reflecting pool of my soul.  There are times I am insecure, I cling to thoughts and passions until they strike me down.  I search out love, sometimes recklessly without thought for my personal well-being…though I keep the safety of my children in mind always.  I find little beauty in the mirror, even when you tell me it exists.  There are many days I find little beauty in my writing.  These are a drop, a small part of the things that haunt me.  I try my best to push them aside…ignore the voices telling me to run.

I do not seek

completion in your love

that lies within

instead share laughter & happy heart sighs

long nights near the fire

with me at your side

This journey has led me to one of the greatest truths I live by: I don’t need you to complete me.  That may seem harsh, but there is purpose behind the statement.  I am complete in myself.  My happiness comes from the knowledge that I have value.  My talents and love have a place in this world.  That isn’t something you can give me.  It has to be found within.  Instead, share this life with me: the giggles and laughs during late night talks, sitting by the fire in comfortable silence, walking along the beach talking about everything and nothing.  Few things could be simpler, but you have to want that; the simple everyday not so special me.  I can’t force such things upon your heart.  In truth, I don’t want to force you to love me.  If we are meant to be together we will.  Another simple truth I’ve learned about my existence. 

I see words

caught on the page edge

not written, left to thought

sitting with the light

hidden in the depths

of your soul

            Still here?  Ahhh…perhaps there is hope then.  ~smile~ A final note about sharing this journey with me, because in the end I do want to share it.  I listen for words hidden just between the breaks.  Write to me of love and peace and hope…that’s a start.  Open your heart, because there is truly nothing you can say that will make me run.  I listen with an open mind always.  Be with me in silence, in laughter, in tears, in the everyday.  I’m not quite as complicated as I may seem.  I love...openly…I live…fully…I hope…eternally.