Blindfold On

                I’m worried, because I think there is a part of me that craves loneliness and heartache.  Not that I’m looking for pity or to wallow in sorrow, but pain seems a far richer source of inspiration than passion.  Perhaps that is why I willingly jump into love under the most unlikely circumstances.  It’s not that I want to be in love.  No, I think it is that I want to be in pain.  What better place to find such torment than in a love lost?

I look through the eyes of my heart

hoping to witness a soulful love,

but I'm left wanting.

                I seek the impossible relationships.  Walking into the fire, blindfold on, because I know it’s all consuming.  Eventually the passion burns out, the lust fades, and I am left with the reality of a love lost.  It’s a convenient place to hide.  In my experience, most men’s passion is fleeting.  It tends to be a seasonal love, growing quickly at first slowing as the summer’s sun warms our souls, and then fading when the cold of winter blows down from our hearts.  Though I am left heartbroken, my smile remains because each has left a deposit of inspiration to fuel my pen.

I would find a soul to share this journey,

but I do not wish to burden others with such sorrow.

Better that the walls hide it from the world.

This brings us to a wall. It is probably the biggest I’ve built.  I fall, but there is always a part held back; something hidden in the depths of my soul that never sees the light.  I let them in enough to entice, a lover’s dance, just a touch of mystery before the wall goes up once more.  So very careful not to let love in completely; to risk that type of heartache would be far too great.

Catch these words

dripping from my heart

find a place of light

where they may bloom

into soft petals of love

I suppose this post stands as a warning…or challenge.  In the end, I am working on the walls.  There’s a part of me that desperately wants to get lost in love.  The pain is so sharp it makes my heart weep at the thought.  But then my idealistic youthful passions left long ago.  I know the chance of finding a soulful love, to get lost in the arms of my soul mate, is rare.  So I do not hope to wish for such a thing.  Instead, I hold fast to reality.  Falling in lust and passion, but never truly finding love.