There were no ribbons or bows laced through my happily ever-after’s. Very rarely did they manage to fall into happy and ever-after were never words we used, because most loves are not crafted to withstand forever. Most are based on expectation and judgment; brittle foundations that begin to crumble with each shake. He didn’t call me yesterday, shake ~ crumble; she’s always late, shake ~ crumble. Until they’re merely footprints left in dust; chalk outlines of what might have been.
Even now, as I write, I’ve yet to see the light of forever in a smile. Truthfully, I’ve stopped looking, because I only carry one expectation with me now. Partially because, love held without exception is so much more fulfilling; and, I’ve learned over time, when you confine people to an image, they aren’t able to grow through your love. There’s a freedom and security in being loved for the simple act of existence. In that, growth is possible.
The one remaining expectation? Eventually, without exception, everyone will leave. It’s not that we stop loving, but sometimes life pulls at the seams; the threads closing the gap begin to fray and break, causing two hearts to drift. One steps into a golden laced sunrise, the other turns towards the lavender brushed sunset; each finding new purpose and passion in the colors.
Seem hopeless to love someone who is destined to leave? It isn’t, because they always leave behind a part of themselves. The gentle moments sitting by the fire, music and a graveled road with no particular destination, long nights lost in wine and the wink of starlight.
Though memories rarely carry the same weight as a touch, they are still precious reminders of connection, purpose, and hope. Connection to another soul in love and light; Purpose of the heart to love without expectation; Hope that love will find you once more. In the end, I choose to hold tight to hope, because it’s always worth the next look, the next touch, the next step.