Poetry is an ever evolving art form. I hope with this rewrite, I am closer to my goal of perfecting the Haiku. Few written works hold such simplistic beauty. Though the form is difficult to translate, my desire is to capture the spirit of this ancient Japanese art.
I like the first two lines, but "sands of time" doesn't fit. In fact, I really like the image that the first line evokes -- vivid, exactly right.
ReplyDeleteThe original post Oleg referenced in his comment:
ReplyDeleteSaffron hills smolder;
pillars stand steadfast, against
the sands of time.
Poetry is an ever evolving art form. I hope with this rewrite, I am closer to my goal of perfecting the Haiku. Few written works hold such simplistic beauty. Though the form is difficult to translate, my desire is to capture the spirit of this ancient Japanese art.
The rewrite is much better.
ReplyDelete